Thanking God for His Mercy

This past week/weekend was emotionally tougher for me than I would like to admit. But thanks to God and individuals in His body, I’m in a much better place emotionally yesterday and today!

One of the things I knew I should do on Saturday was write a Thanksgiving list….but I couldn’t convince myself to do it. This morning, though, I did. The last three pages of the journal I just started in August are full of Thanksgivings that just barely begin to scratch the surface! I want to share it with you here as a testimony to God’s continued work & faithfulness in my life! In case you can’t tell, it’s in the style of Psalm 136 :)

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for You are good;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

Oh give thanks to the God of all grace & comfort;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

To the God who is eternal and supreme;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

To the Triune God in constant relationship;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

To the great God who defines love;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

To the most caring & personal Being;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

To You who formed all that we see;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

By Your omnipotent Word;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

The millions of stars by five simple words;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

Mountains and valleys, oceans and deserts;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

Trees and flowers in their colorful array;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

Creatures of almost limitless variety;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

The microscopic world which enables life;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

The way You provide & care for Your creation;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

The water cycle, an amazing design;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

The numerous scientific laws;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

Keeping life and nature in order;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

Oh give thanks to You, LORD;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

For how You are writing Your story in me;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

For the countless ways Your Grace moves in my life;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

For the matchless gift of salvation;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

For the godly heritage in my extended & immediate family;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

For parents who raised me in Your Truth;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

For Your unconditional love of me;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

That every twist & turn is part of Your plan;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

For the friends & community You have placed in my life;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

For the gifts & talents given for Your glory;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

For the many opportunities to know & love & serve;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

Oh give thanks to the God of heaven;

                For Your mercy endures forever.

God's Pursuit of Me, Part 1

I’ve been wanting to write this blog post for about a month. Warning, there’s lots of pieces involved…so it will probably be long!! {Edit: It will actually be a short (possibly!?) series of posts}

Last month as part of our Servant Teams training, we talked about the concept of Missio Dei, which describes the person of God Himself, as an outwardly-moving, lovingly-pursuing God.

As I wrote in my email newsletter,

“When you read the phrase, 'the Pursuit of God,' what is the first thought that comes to your mind? Because that simple phrase can be taken two ways, to mean two very different things. 

Option 1: We pursue relationship with God through reading the Bible, praying, attending church, etc.
Option 2: God has pursued and continues pursing relationship with us--primarily by incarnationally moving onto our turf and by speaking through His Spirit and His Word to our hearts. 

Talking about this topic in our training made me reflect back. In my childhood up through high school, I think I was more focused on option one, at least in the 'once I'm a Christian' sense. But sometime in the past 10 years, God opened my eyes and shifted my perspective. He's not sitting up in heaven waiting on us to respond to Jesus and come to Him. The Good Shepherd is out in the wide world, constantly searching for the hearts of His people--throughout their whole lives.”

So when Mandee asked us to draw a picture about the Pursuit of God before she started talking about it, this is what came out of my heart & soul:

At the end of our training on Missio Dei, Mandee gave us an assignment: To create an art piece showing three ways that God has pursued us in our life. Within a couple of minutes, I had jotted down a brief outline in my notes of what I wanted to do for my piece. The actual execution of it took most of a weekend, and some extra bits got added, even after presenting it to my class—but this is the finished project which came out of that assignment:

So the rest of this series I’m going to give you the back story behind each element. Because although I enjoyed being artsy and creating this, I’m still a writer first and foremost :D

But first, a caveat: I talked in my newsletter about how pre-college Esther heard “pursuit of God” and thought of herself pursuing God. So my art piece focuses on life after I began realizing that really, God pursues me. That does NOT mean that God never pursued my heart when I was a child. He definitely did!!! Maybe another time I’ll write more about that. But as far as my conscious recognition of God pursuing me, that has been more in the past 10 years.

Element 1: Heart Unshackled

This section could be a whole blog post!! And maybe someday I will do that. But I’m going to try to keep it short here.

I’ve come to realize that at a relatively young age, I built a castle wall / tower cell around my heart. Instead of sharing with people how I was feeling and how things were affecting me, I started bottling it all up inside. This was at its worst during my “spiritual dark ages” of middle school/high school.

God was still lovingly pursuing me even through that dark period of my life. But it wasn’t until the second half of high school that I learned I could write (as God’s gifting) and that writing was the easiest way to give voice to what was in my heart. And it wasn’t until God took me away from everything familiar to attend college a five-hour drive away from home that I was able to start recognizing the poor relational habits I had towards God and towards those close to me.

A couple weeks ago, during some prayer closet time, I suddenly realized that God has always used times of taking me outside {usually WAY outside} of my familiar atmosphere/comfort zone to do the most work of growth/change/refinement in me. In a lot of ways that makes sense, I had just never quite phrased it in my head before.

China. World Views class. Moving away to college. Going to Uganda. Coming to Portland.

Each of those major life shifts have brought about major changes and growth opportunities, and I am thankful!! But that’s kind of a tangent….! :)

So I went to college, not realizing that my heart was shackled away in a high, dark cell of loneliness and not letting anyone see the REAL me. And I was tired….tired of acting and trying to put on the right outward mask.

Then one day in chapel, Paraclete spoke GRACE deeply, deeply into my heart:

“What you do is not a question of earning My love. You can never earn it. Salvation is a free gift, based on nothing you do, My child. I already love you more than you know – no matter what.”

You can read more about the context/ramifications in this other blog post. But this is the picture He gave me in that moment:

I have carried that picture in my heart for seven and a half years, but had never tried to put it onto paper. When this art project came up, I knew it was time. Time to pull out all the stops, finding images online, tracing them in Illustrator, putting it all together to show what God did in my heart that day.

I know, there’s a word there that most of you don’t recognize – Kisakye. That word wasn’t part of the original picture, because I didn’t know it until years later, in Uganda. Kisakye is the Luganda word for Grace, and is what I took for myself as my “Ugandan name.”

The beauty of God’s Grace has continued to be such an important heart concept for me over these past years. I’m still learning to apply it to my life…it can be hard for me to accept Grace rather than staying shackled in the cell of my own expectations and demands on myself. But God continues to faithfully work this in my heart! And I am thankful.

Well….I think I am a bit written out for the time being. There is more I could say about that heart picture, but maybe some other day. For now, it’s time to get ready for a day at UGM. I will come back another time to explain the other elements of my art piece!

An "Inciting Incident"

This is another of my old posts for Thrive80, a short-lived Moody Publishing blog for millennials. It was originally written and published in September 2012 on a now-defunct website. I want to share it here and now because the subject ties in closely with another blog post I am currently working on writing!!

The original blog prompt for this was to write about an "inciting incident" in my life...something that forever altered/changed me. It was easy for me, as a college senior, to know what to pick!! Enjoy :)

Tuesday, January 25, 2011. It seemed like a perfectly normal day, but I will forever mark it as the day God revolutionized my life. I stood in chapel at my small, Christian college singing during the worship time. For some reason I sat further back than normal—nearly under the shelter of the upstairs balcony.

As I sang, surrounded by hundreds of my fellow students and yet feeling alone, my mind returned to the questions I had asked so often throughout high school and my first year and a half of college. “Why God? Why is it that I feel like I want a deeper relationship with You and yet nothing changes? Why do You seem so silent? I try so hard.”

There was no rending of the heavens, no vision of glorious majesty. But there was a simple Thought, sent—I believe—by the Holy Spirit at just the moment He had crafted in His infinite plan.

“What you do is not a question of earning My love. You can never earn it. Salvation is a free gift, based on nothing you do, My child. I already love you more than you know – no matter what.”

Hearing that truth and truly realizing what it meant in my life for the first time acted as a single beam of light into what had long been the dark room of my spiritual strivings. Looking back now, I can see that I have always tended toward attempting to earn assurance of others’ love and affection for me by working as a people pleaser. I naturally brought that same idea over to my relationship with God.

Yes, I knew intellectually that I could not earn my salvation. And yet as a Christian I had spent the previous years of my life trying to make myself worthy of God’s love and approval – lacking the faith that the Immanuel who came to save people from sin could truly accept me with all of my shortcomings and failings. In some ways it seems so simple and silly – it is in Scripture…I learned those verses and I should have known that receiving salvation did not suddenly mean that I must curry God’s favor (Gal. 3:1-3). Nevertheless that was how I thought, and it is still a trap I often find myself falling into.

I am still nowhere near the perfection I would love to achieve. But the embedding of that truth deep into my spiritual psyche started me on a journey of personal revival which God is still unfolding. The beauty of it all is that there was nothing special about that day – no reason from my end for the blessings I have since received. It is all Grace – God’s amazing Grace. And that’s the whole point. Yes, it is tempting to question why not sooner. But the answer goes right back to the lesson. God’s Grace is not bound by human understanding. No, I didn’t deserve what happened on January 25^th any more than I had any other day. But that is the beauty of Grace.

I could have written that last paragraph yesterday, not six years ago!!! The ramifications of this inciting incident are still reverberating through my life as I continue to learn the importance of practicing the truth Paraclete spoke into my heart that day. Thankful to God for His faithfulness in leading my journey up to that point, through that revelation, and every day since then--even in the trials and the challenges.

My New Covenant Vow

This is something the Holy Spirit led me to work on last week. I used Tuesday morning, when I didn't go into UGM, to "research"/"write" it. Maybe some other time I will write the story of what led up to doing this...but for now I just want to share it with you. It turned out differently than I initially thought it would - but I like it better this way.

In the name of the Triune God, because of who HE is, and by His leading.

The Theological Foundation of My Identity

v  I declare that I am God’s creation, made by Him in His image for His purposes and glory, and so that I may enjoy Him forever in eternally present/future relationship. {Gen. 1:26; Phil. 1:19-23}

v  I am fearfully and wonderfully made; all the days fashioned for me are God’s marvelous work in and through my life; and that my soul knows very well. {Psalm 139:14-15}

v  Jesus Christ is the Son of God and He is the loving Redeemer of my soul; for the joy set before Him and for God’s glory as well as my good, He bore the punishment of my sin on the cross. {Heb. 12:2}

v  I was dead in my trespasses and sins, unable to do anything to resurrect or save myself; God made me alive and saved me by His grace, totally undeserved by me. {Eph. 2:4-5}

v  In Christ, I am God’s beloved adoptive daughter, a child of the Most High King of heaven; I am a co-heir with Christ through suffering with Him. {Rom. 8:15-17}

v  God lavishes His unconditional grace & love on me, moment by moment and day by day {Eph. 1:7-8; 1 John 4:10}

v  It is God who works in me both to will and to do for His good pleasure; but I also have the responsibility of working out my own salvation. {Phil. 2:12-13}

v  Christ’s resurrection power is what is working towards me, within me, and what should be flowing out of me. {Eph. 1:19-20; Phil. 3:10}

v  I carry the treasure of the knowledge of God in Christ as a mere earthen vessel.
{2 Cor. 4:6-7}

v  Paraclete, the Counselor and Spirit of Truth, abides in me forever and reminds me of what Jesus taught; He is the guarantee of my inheritance. {John 14:16-17, 26; Eph. 1:13-14}

v  I am not sufficient in myself; nothing good comes from myself but rather from God; He has made me sufficient and makes me a minister of the new covenant of life in the Spirit.
{2 Cor. 3:5-6}

The Practical Application Points as a Result:

v  Jesus calls me to abide in His unconditional love, and to extend that love to others—laying down my life for them—as well as to myself. {John 15:9-13}

v  Jesus calls me to daily take up my cross and follow Him; to save my life by losing it for His sake {Luke 9:23-25}

v  God calls me to submit to Him as clay does to the potter’s hands. {Rom. 9:20-21}

v  I am called to recognize and worship the holy sovereignty of God, and to repent before Him when I find myself questioning His purposes. {Job 42:5-6}

v  Jesus calls me to come to Him when I am heavy laden by the burden I bear; to take His light and easy yoke in its place; to find rest in Him; to learn from Him. {Matt. 11:28-30}

v  I am called to follow in Jesus’ example, humbling myself and taking the form of a bondservant. {Phil 2:4-8}

v  As Jesus spent hours in solitude and prayer with His heavenly Father to balance out intense times of ministry, so should I. {Matt. 14:23}

v  I should follow Jesus’ example in crying out to God for strength during challenging times and in asking those close to me to pray with/for me. {Matt. 26:38ff}

v  I am called to daily practice authenticity as I intentionally put off the old Esther and put on the new Esther, being renewed by God in holiness & righteousness. {Eph. 4:22-24}

v  It is okay and needed to sometimes pull back, say no, and practice spiritual self-care. {Luke 5:15-16}

v  I am not yet perfected; but I am called to forget the things which are behind and press on toward the prize in Christ; knowing He will continue His work until He returns! {Phil 3:12-14; 1:6}

v  I am called to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God. {Micah 6:8}

v  I am called to cast all my cares upon God; to humble myself under His mighty hand; to let Him be the one to exalt me in due time. {1 Pet. 5:6-7}

v  Jesus calls me to rest in the sufficiency of His grace and strength, especially in my weaknesses; to boast and even take pleasure in my shortcomings. {2 Cor. 12:9-10}

v  I am called to be a member of the body of Christ—suffering and rejoicing with my brothers and sisters in Christ (and letting them do the same with me), as well as using my gifts to minister alongside them. {1 Cor. 12:12-31}

v  I am called to live in community – bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to maintain the unity in the Spirit. {Eph. 4:1-6}

v  I am called to confess my sins to my fellow believers, that we may pray for one another and be healed. {James 5:16}

I commit to these things in the name of Abba, Jesus, and Paraclete. Amen.

Zephaniah 3 Reflection

Yesterday, a dear friend had shared with me Zeph. 3:17—and another friend had shared it with me on my birthday!!! Anyway, I looked it up on my phone last night. So this morning when insomnia resulted in my pulling up my Bible app—I thought to read 1 John!—God had this passage for me to reflect on instead. I’m so thankful, because it really ministered to multiple points of this chapter of my story. These are my brief thoughts from meditating on this passage this morning.

3:8 The command to wait for God and His day of indignation, anger, and jealousy (El Qanna!!!).* Devouring of all the earth is coming.**

3:9 Why wait for that? “For then I will restore”—God will purify His people to call on His name and serve Him!!!

3:10 Irony is—Uganda is kind of beyond Ethiopia…..  Beautiful promise!

3:11 As someone who has struggled with pride as a self-protection mechanism, I am super thankful for this verse!!!!!

3:12 The positive side of the promise in the previous verse: Amen, Lord, may it be so!!!!!

3:13 The Promise of a righteous remnant who will speak the truth and NOT be made afraid by anyone, as they feed their flocks.

3:14 Be glad and rejoice with all your heart! Sing and shout!

3:15 Such an amazing, beautiful promise!! Our King is (will be?**) in our midst, and He has cast out our enemy!!!

3:16 Do not fear—let not your hands be weak! (“Be strong in the LORD and in the power of His might!” – Eph. 6:10)

3:17 Such beauty & grace in that promise, it overwhelms me!

3:18-19 God taking the sorrowful & the reproached and the lame and the outcast & the shamed and restoring them!!! Dealing with the perpetrators of affliction.

3:20 Promise of fame & praise to them – those who had formerly suffered affliction! By God’s work of restoring the captives!!!

*Those who have watched The Truth Project by Focus on the Family may recognize this name of God. Del Tackett, the host, talks about El Qanna—literally, the jealous God—in one of the video sessions. I don’t remember which one, sorry! But he talks about how we can be grateful that God is so passionate for the faithful covenant love of His people that He will let nothing stand in the way of His sanctification process….or something along those lines :)

**This verse makes me a bit uncertain of whether the rest of this passage falls under the “already” or the “not yet” category of prophecy fulfillment. Any thoughts from my readers? I can see how some of these things have already been fulfilled through Jesus’ redemptive work, but at the same time I can see how some of these promises are still to be fulfilled in the future.

Exodus Lessons

I’m reading through the Bible in a year, following the Read the Bible for Life plan. I just started last month…but with everything I’m juggling I’ve gotten behind. So when insomnia kicked in again last night/this morning, I pulled it out and read a couple day’s portions! Here is how Paraclete used it to minister to my heart…..

“I will harden Pharaoh’s heart so that he will pursue [the Israelites]. Then I will receive glory by means of Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am Yahweh.” Exodus 14:4, God speaking.

For Moses, God pretty clearly laid out His game plan. The first Passover had just occurred, the Israelites had just been brought out of Egypt through God’s mighty deliverance and by His awesome miracles overwhelming the Egyptians. But God wasn’t through yet. He wanted to show His mighty power towards the Egyptians one more time, that He may receive the glory.

Interesting that God indicates this final Exodus miracle was for the sake of the Egyptians rather than the Israelites! Possibly because the Israelites should have already known that by this point? But as we shall see….they still had more lessons to learn!

So in order to prove His own glory yet again, God told the Israelites where to go and where to camp, so that Pharaoh would think they were confused and boxed in…easy prey (14:2-3). God purposely orchestrated a stressful experience for His people—having an army of angry masters in chariots chase down a people with old & young who had barely tasted freedom yet—to prove a point.

If any human being did that, it would be considered selfishness and megalomania to the extreme. It certainly doesn’t look/feel like something a loving God would do. But in the holistic complexity of Yahweh, He—of course—had a greater plan He was working out.

“As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up and saw the Egyptians coming after them. Then the Israelites were terrified and cried out to the LORD for help.” 14:10

Definitely a very natural human response to the situation they were placed in!!! I would have been terrified too, definitely. Yet at the same time, their fear shows how young they were in the journey of trusting God. Obviously, they had not yet been made perfect in love (1 John 4:18). Neither have I. Because when stressful/painful/frustrating circumstances come up, such as having a hard time falling asleep last night, the temptation to question God is right there on the doorstep of my heart.

BUT, the Israelites chose to cry out to the Lord for help in the midst of their fear. So that was a positive point! Moses admonished them,

“Don’t be afraid. Stand firm and see the LORD’s salvation He will provide for you today; for the Egyptians you see today, you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you, you must be quiet.” 14:13-14

I can’t help but wonder if Moses had communicated to the Israelites what God had told him in 14:4… We’re not told for sure. But the next verse in the story is interesting…God kind of rebukes Moses (or possibly that’s intended for Israel) for crying out to Him—I guess because He had already told him this situation would be for His glory??

So you know the rest of that chapter of the story – as God promised, He instigated another great, miraculous deliverance. And in chapter 15, Moses and the Israelites had the right response: singing a hymn of praise to God! Note verse 13:

“You will lead the people You have redeemed with Your faithful love; You will guide them to Your holy dwelling with Your strength.”

Spot on, perfect, 100% true – the people had just been shown evidence of that 11 times! (Ten plagues in Egypt + Red Sea)

But before that chapter even finishes, after three days without water, the grumbling and uncertainty crop right back up…this time at Marah (15:22-26). Then it happens again, in the following chapter—just a few weeks after leaving Egypt—and the issue this time is food. So much so that the Israelites wish “If only we had died by the LORD’s hand in the land of Egypt…” (16:3).

And so begins the pattern which would repeat itself again…and again…and again over the next thousand years of Israelite history in which Missio Dei pursued His people, but they could never maintain a heart attitude of trust and obedience for very long.

When I was young and naïve, it was easy for me to mentally criticize those silly people who could never learn to keep on practicing what God was teaching them.

Now I’m a little older, and not quite as naïve. I’ve passed through more life experiences, and I have definitely witnessed that the questioning, rebellious, wandering heart of the Israelites is the same heart that resides in me, apart from Christ’s redemptive work.

That has been and continues to be a very humbling process for me…especially these past two years.

Honestly, among a plethora of other things, I don’t like the fact that I’ve been constantly struggling with insomnia to varying degrees for the past 10+ weeks. That in those weeks, I’ve never once slept straight through the night to be awakened by my alarm…unless I took a dose of the strong prescription medicine that made me sleep between February and July.**

BUT GOD.

As I wrote about in the conclusion of my l-o-n-g blog post last weekend, my story isn’t really about me. It’s about HIM. And yes, it can be very hard to maintain that perspective…especially if I’m not choosing to be 100% dependent and leaning on my heavenly Father.

But I hope that I am taking baby steps in that process of learning and growing…especially as God continues to lavish me with HIS grace and HIS unconditional love. I am so blessed. Blessed to be loved by and to serve a God who works for His glory 100% of the time, but who also works out ALL THINGS for the good of me and each of His people 100% of the time. And when my mind focuses on the wonder of His beautiful Truth, I give thanks—that He is the Only Perfect One, awesomely good at doing both. I certainly could never do that. So obviously I need to stop trying to play God!

I’m still very much on this journey. Please join me in continuing to pray for me in the ups and downs of this beautifully challenging transitional season. Most of all, that I would be content to give HIM all the praise & glory!!

**During my health roller coaster over the past nine months since insomnia forcefully pushed its way into my life, I’ve been amazed again and again and again at how God has created us as such complex beings…physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. There are so many different approaches to dealing with health issues, and I’m kind of muddling my way through it. I have trusted mentors in my life advising very different things. And no, I haven’t prayed about it nearly as much as I should have….because, like the Israelites, I’m afraid.

I’m not going to spell it all out here. And honestly, I’m looking for prayers a whole lot more than advice. Suffice it to say, I am amazed at the courage of the woman in Luke 8:43-48 for holding onto hope for 12 years of suffering without a solution.

In my case, I have probably spent more money on health these past months than my parents ever spent on other medical issues for me during the rest of my life (not counting orthodontia as a medical issue). Medical doctors have run a wide variety of tests and haven’t come up with a biological reason for my insomnia. I’ve seen two psychiatrists and a counselor and am now part of an accountability group, trying to find answers from the mental/emotional/spiritual side, as depression & insomnia manifested their ugliness together for me. I’ve gone the prescription medication route. I’m trying the natural/homeopathic route. So far, there has been no easy solution.

When I came out to Portland, I procrastinated finding someone here to help manage my medication, because I had a long supply & was doing well. God used a rough week as a catalyst to get me back on track trying to find a road to healing. I’m thankful to have an appointment with a Christian psychiatric nurse who is qualified to manage my medication and who also, by God’s perfect plan, has experience with treating insomnia & hormonal imbalances. Unfortunately, the soonest I could get in to see her is Nov. 15^th. And so I wait, learning to practice trusting God in the meantime. It’s been a hard road, but HE IS FAITHFUL—ALWAYS.

Thank you to everyone who I know cares & prays for me!!! I literally couldn’t have made it through this year without God using you in my life as His tools to encourage & uphold me in my weakness. I share my journey with you for HIS glory (2 Cor. 4, especially vs. 6-8).

To Remember or to Forget?

What do we do with the past… with the sorrows and with the joys, with the blessings and with the pains, with the brokenness and with the redemption?

This idea has been rolling around in my head all week. And it matters: How I handle the past shapes how I experience the present and how I view the future.

Is the past something to be held onto and cherished, or something to be swept away and forgotten?

As in so many other areas of life, I believe the Biblical answer is a balance between the two extremes.

All one has to do is read the book of Deuteronomy to see the importance of remembrance! A quick online concordance search for “remember Egypt” brought up 10 verses in that one book. Again and again, Moses tells the people to remember…even though the oldest people he spoke to then had been only youths during the Exodus (Numbers 32:11).

But what exactly does Moses tell them to remember? And this is important.

Five times, the command is to remember that the people had been slaves (5:15, 15:15, 16:12, 24:18, 24:22). That would not have been a fun memory to hold onto…it was a memory full of suffering, oppression and possibly shame as well. Something that the religious leaders in Jesus’ day had possibly repressed or forgotten or probably were simply ignoring (John 8:33).

That wasn’t the only thing Moses commanded the people to remember though! Also five times, the admonition is to remember God’s salvation (5:15, 7:18, 15:15, 16:3, 24:18). Because the enslavement of a nation was not the end of the story. God remembered His covenant with His people, and performed mighty works, miraculously redeeming His children out of that bondage – and what was well worth remembering and celebrating!!

Another two times, the command is to remember past sin—both the people’s general rebelliousness (9:7) and Miriam’s specific consequence (24:9). These memories would also not be pleasant to hang on to, but they remained important as a warning against future disobedience…a warning few generations in Israel’s history successfully heeded. This brings to mind the common saying along the lines of ‘those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it.’

Fast forward to the time of the early Church. On Passover, a festival specifically for the purpose of remembering the past, Jesus gave a similar command to His disciples when instituting the Lord’s Supper: “Do this in remembrance of Me” (Luke 22:19).

But there is also a place for forgetting, or at least choosing not to remember. God makes that promise to His people, in Jeremiah 31:34 (and referred to in Hebrews 8:12): “For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.”

Paul also uses himself as an example of intentionally forgetting, in a verse a close friend reminded me of this past weekend: “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:13-14).

So that is the tension we are called to live in—forgetting past things which distract us from our heavenly goal, but always remembering how God has moved and worked in our lives.

In this season of my life, I’m trying to learn/practice maintaining that balance. Grieving and repenting of past hardships/sins…not stuffing the feelings of sadness or guilt down into a festering wound. But even more intentionally letting go of the past that I cannot go back and change, remembering all the good things God has worked and is working in my life—remembering His manifold blessings.

This is a journey and a tension I believe many, if not all, people are experiencing to some degree. So let us pray for one another, for God’s continued healing and restoration. For His joy and love to be what flows through us to others!

A Camping Story in two parts

I am here in Portland, OR, staying with a lovely lady who is housing me as I go through the Servant Teams program. She is part of a writing group, and this evening she invited me to join her and the two other ladies in attendance. They have prompts, and then take 10-12 minutes to write about the prompt. I had fun doing it, and thought I'd share with you the little stories I came up with.

Two of the prompts ended up kind of being one story for me...so here goes :)

The crisp autumn wind swayed the boughs of the pine trees above us, whispering through the arms of needles. I and my cub scouts had trekked deep into the forest for a camping expedition. All day we had explored the area, hunting berries, fishing, and hoping to be lucky enough to find a bee hive full of honey. But the last had not come through.

So here we were, five of us, gathered around our campfire which pushed the boundaries of darkness out of our little clearing. And the cub scouts were asking for a story! Our earlier failure brought a youthful escapade back to mind.

"When I was a young cub scout," I began, "I was always one to get into trouble. But I also had the best senses in my pack. I could hear the buzz of a bee's wings and follow it back to the hive better than any other cub scout! Then one day, I found the most massive hive ever. It was about 20 feet up, in the decaying stump of a lightening-scarred tree. I could hear the whine of thousands of bees inside, and I so craved the sweet treat they hid that my mouth salivated!

"I reached up as high as I could, but I had a problem. A very embarrassing problem--I was afraid of heights. I was too afraid to climb that tree and retrieve the amber nectar. But I also didn't want to leave the tree, possibly never to find such a treasure trove again! Finally, my hungry craving won out over my fear. I grabbed that tree, gripping it tight with my nails. I climbed it and scooped up a big helping of honey. And it was the most delicious thing I ever tasted!

"And that is the story of how I finally became a climbing bear!"

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So the prompt for that one was to pick one of my hostess' bear statues and put myself into the shoes of the bear, writing a story from its point of view. Here's the statue I picked:

For the second prompt, we had to somehow incorporate one of the two following ideas: "He woke to birdsong" OR "'Sh! Hear that?' 'I didn't hear anything.'" I was going to try to include both, but ran out of time too soon.... As I said, this ended up being a continuation of the previous story! :)

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Later, after I tucked my cub scouts into bed, I sat for a long time staring at the dying embers of the fire or gazing up at the starry sky. Eventually, my eyes began to feel heavy, as the cubs' had, and I lumbered a short distance to my bed of pine boughs.

The next morning, we awoke to the sounds of birdsong--the sweet whistle of cardinals, the drumming of woodpeckers, the harsh yank of Blue Jays. The best part of being a bear and going camping is that there is no tent to break down, no sleeping bags and luggage to pack away. You just wake up and, when you're ready, mosey on down the trail--if you're even following a trail.

Today we were, because we had big plans: exploring a cave that my grandpa bear had discovered nearby! The cubs, always full of energy, scampered and pranced through the trees. By the time we reached the cave site, it was mid-morning. Thankfully we had stopped by a river earlier to catch a fishy breakfast. Well, I had caught some. The cubs had just wanted to splash about, until I scolded them for scaring all the fish!

But now we were preparing to descend into the dark depths of the cave. Grandpa bear had told me how he hid here for a couple days when some man creatures came hunting for him--and I was eager to see the place that had saved him and made my existence possible!

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There's my two brief story snippets! :) Thanks for reading!