{Don't} Let Fear Paralyze You

While I was in college, I was a contributor to a blog—started by Moody Publishing for millennials—for about a year. The blog ended up changing its name and web address, and eventually the old domain expired…so the posts I authored now exist only on my computer [yes, I keep *everything*!!]. But occasionally I will be reminded of something I wrote and go back and look at it.

That happened recently with a post that was originally published on Thrive80 in April of 2012. The editor team had asked us to contribute posts about hypothetical ways to ruin your life before the age of 30. Below is what I wrote – with a current postscript at the end! :D It’s a message that spoke to my heart again today, even though I’m now in a different stage of life than I was as a 2^nd semester junior.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are so many options available of what we can do with our lives.  This is especially true for our generation.  We have grown up in a world where travelling to another country is something that is not all that unusual, where we are told that we can be whatever we want to be.

Boys and girls both have increasingly equal chances to pursue whatever course they desire in their lives.  Our current president has demonstrated that the color of one’s skin can no longer effectively bar one from even the highest office in the land. [Remember this was originally written in 2012!] Freed from the constraints of comparative financial and physical limitations, the vast majority of our generation of Americans is free to chase and reach their dreams.

But there is one thing that can quickly and easily destroy any chance we have of achieving our goals:

FEAR

The fear of not making the right choice.  The fear of things not working out the way I want them to.  The fear that no matter how hard I try, it won’t be good enough.  The fear that God’s plan will be different than mine and ruin what I seek.

Such fear can paralyze us, preventing us from doing anything productive.  It can wrap its chains around our hearts and weigh us down.  Allowing this fear to overtake us is exactly what the enemy would love to see.  When Christians are bound by fear, they will not take the risks or chances that could lead them to victory in their lives or to bring God glory.

Not giving fear a foothold in my life is something I have been learning a lot about both last summer and this month.  As a person who wants people to like me and who wants to always make exactly the right choices, I can tend to hesitate too long in doing something important with my life – fearing rejection, fearing the unknown. 

But God does not call us to fear.  He calls us to hope and trust.  He calls us to live with our all on the line, to pursue Him whole-heartedly no matter what might happen.  It is then that He will gladly pour out His blessings on us and give us the desires of our hearts (Ps. 37:4, 1 Pet. 5:6-7).

Last summer, God kept bringing me back to the verse in 1 John which tells us that perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment (4:18).  There is no reason for us to fear the future, because God loves us.  When we do fear, it is a signal that we are not yet fully willing to trust God with all that we are.  And yet, because He loves us so much, He consistently and patiently points us back to Him.  “Trust Me, My child,” He whispers, “I love you more than you can even love yourself.”

Earlier this month, I was in a place of inner turmoil and doubt.  There was something I sensed God was calling me to, but everything within me was frightened of what would happen if I did it.  On Good Friday, I was able to spend a large chunk of time outside, away from the distractions of everyday life.  In that time, God used the feelings I was struggling with to bring me back to this idea of fear.  He did this through a part of Scripture I had memorized years ago.

In James 4:13-16, the author is criticizing people who go to the opposite extreme of the problem I am talking about here.  Those folks assume that they do know exactly what will happen.  They make plans and are overly confident that they will achieve their goals.  James reminds his readers that the fact is that we don’t know what will happen.  Our life is a vapor.  “Instead,” he concludes, “you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.’”

He is calling these people to live their lives in a manner which is surrendered to God’s plan for their lives.  He is calling them to trust.  But an important point here is that James does not say we should walk around in fear.  [Neither does he] say “Sit still in your house until you know exactly what it is God has planned for you to do because otherwise you will be a failure.”  No!  Rather, he is simply cautioning that while we can make our plans, we should not presumptuously assume that things will come out just as we expect.

James then turns and equally chastises the people who are too bound by fear.  “Therefore,” he writes, “to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin” (4:17).  God does allow us a level of free will!  I’m not going to try to debate this large theological issue, but suffice it to say I do not believe in a deterministic view of God’s sovereignty.  I believe He leaves room for human choice and plans.

James’ last verse here is telling us to do what we know we should.  Follow through on applying for that job, even if you’re not sure how it will work out.  Try to make friends with that person you see sitting alone, despite the fact they may choose to ignore you.  Love freely, as you have been loved – even when that can open you up to hurt and disappointment.

Thinking through this passage in James brought me back to something that has been a recurring theme of my college career: that life issues rarely fit into neat categories.  Instead, as Aristotle’s theory of the golden mean describes, the ideal course of action typically lies in finding a balance between two extreme responses.  As I tweeted shortly after my time of reflection, “I am called to trust - not to either fear that God may change my plans, nor to presume that He will not.”

And so, my friends, there is one word that can prevent you from letting fear ruin your life and paralyze you.  It may be a simple word, but the concept is deep – one which God has been slowly developing in my life for months:

TRUST

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Interestingly, God has continued to use that passage from James in my life, without me consciously remembering this post I wrote. In October of 2015, I was praying about whether God would have me commit to coming back to Uganda after my initial 14-month stint as staff was over. Again, I was out in nature spending time communing with Him. And as I prayed, He gave me those same verses in James.

And so they’ve stayed in the back of my mind – as I said that yes, I would return to Uganda. As I renewed my work permit in early 2016 for two years. As I think about the future now. Those are the verses that my mind goes back to. I can make my plans, but God may change them at any time. And yes, that’s scary—IF I forget how faithful and trustworthy God is. IF I ignore the fact that He knows things I can’t even imagine. IF I don’t remember that His purposes are perfect.

The word that is the call to my heart is still the same now as it was five years ago:

TRUST.

Two Sabbath Healings

At our church here in Kasana, our pastors are preaching through the book of John. This past Sunday we were looking at the story of the man healed by the pool of Bethesda, from the first part of chapter 5.

The preacher reminded us that we must watch out for false religion, which makes us feel comfortable but actually fails to give glory & praise to God when He works in our lives.

Later in the afternoon, I spent some time journaling & reflecting, and the Holy Spirit helped me draw a contrast/see a lesson by comparing this man in John 5 and the blind man in John 9.

On Sunday morning, the Holy Spirit stopped me in the middle of a funk mood when the preacher was reading the passage, before he had ever spoken a word of his sermon. It was verses 6 & 7 that caught me: Jesus asks this man who had been an invalid for 38 years, “Do you want to be made well?” And his answer? “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me.”

Sitting there in church, I could suddenly see that too often I’m like that man. I want some person or some physical situation to provide the setting for healing. I want it to seem momentous.

What this man didn’t know was that The Healer was asking him this question. Jesus simply said the words, “Rise, take up your bed and walk” – and immediately this man did! After THIRTY-EIGHT YEARS. [I haven’t even been alive that long yet!!!]

But, Jesus had done a big no-no! It was the Sabbath day when He did this! And so when the Jews found this man carrying his bed, they scolded him soundly. But the man didn’t know who had healed him. Then Jesus found him in the temple, and said “See, you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you.” (vs. 14)

And what did the man do? Worship the one who had made him well? No, he went back to the leaders and told them it was Jesus who had healed him, and that made serious trouble for Jesus (vs. 16) – this is the first mention of the leaders wanting to kill Jesus!!!

Contrast that to the man in chapter 9.

In this case, the disciples start the conversation by asking Jesus “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus’ reply brought tears to my eyes & a catch in my voice yesterday afternoon: “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him” (vs. 3).

Then Jesus made mud, “anointed” the blind man’s eyes, and sent him to the pool of Siloam to wash.

“So [the man] went and washed, and came back seeing.” As simple as that.

But again, it was the Sabbath day. And evidently spitting on the ground is work?? Because again, this man and Jesus got in trouble with the religious leaders of the Jews. This time there was almost a whole trial – they called the man’s parents and everything to make sure he had really been born blind. The parents hedged because of a threat from the Jews (vs. 19-23).

The formerly blind man shot straight though: “One thing I know: that though I was blind, now I see.” And so they excommunicated him. But Jesus came and found him (vs. 35-58):

            “Do you believe in the Son of God?” He asked him.

            “Who is He, Lord, that I may believe in Him?”

            “You have both seen Him and it is He who is talking with you.”

            “Lord, I believe!” And he worshipped Him.

Do you see the difference? A totally different response & attitude on the part of these two men!!

But really, which one had more reason to be bitter about the years of less-than-full life, or which had reason to boast for his role in the healing?

Jesus seems to imply that the man in John 5 was sick because of some sin he had committed (vs. 14). But the John 9 man is specifically cleared from any connection between the blindness and a sin.

The John 5 man did nothing to be made well – absolutely nothing – Jesus spoke the word, and he was healed. Whereas the man in John 9 is the one who washed the mud off. If he had wanted to, he could have argued that Jesus had made things worse by smearing spit & road dirt on his eyes. His eyes didn’t open immediately, only once the man himself had washed the mud off could he see.

But look at their responses.

The man who may have been sick because of his own doing but who did nothing to heal himself is the one who shows no indication of saving belief, who instead went and ratted to the religious leaders.

But the one who was innocent of sin connected to his blindness, and who worked (in a small way) to bring about his own healing? He is the one who stood up to the religious leaders and defended Jesus’ righteousness (vs. 17, 30-33), and who worshipped & believed Jesus when he saw Him again.

Our preacher on Sunday pointed out that the John 5 man’s faith & trust were in the angel, a moving of the water, and in his own ability to get into that water first.

The man in John 9 also had faith – but it was the simple faith of hearing & obeying the instructions he was given. He somehow knew it was Jesus (vs. 11), though we don’t know how much he knew about Him. Maybe he had heard about Jesus & already believed His claim to be the Son of God. We aren’t told that, but from his fruit we can see that his faith had the right focus.

I don’t want to be like the man in John 5. I want to be more like the one of John 9.

But all too often, it’s too easy to be stuck in misplaced trust, or in the ensnarement of false religion.

May the Lord continue to heal & purify my heart!!!!

Fear or Trust

This afternoon, I stopped by a friend’s house for a few minutes. On her radio, I overheard something about “3 Republicans and 3 Democrats” and a vacancy. Probably because my subconscious had heard more than that, I immediately wondered if one of the U.S. Supreme Court justices had passed away. But the radio went on to other things, and I wasn’t sure. When I opened Facebook shortly after coming back to my house, I found that yes, Justice Scalia had died.

The first thing I saw indicating the news was this blog post shared by a friend. It makes a most excellent point. It is so easy for all of us (all over the world!) to put so much of our hope and even faith in government leaders. It's so easy for us to fear when it looks like things may not go the way we wish they would.

I feel it in myself as I consider the American presidential elections. I see it in my sisters and brothers here as they prepare for Thursday's Ugandan general elections. The tension of not knowing how things will turn out; the knowledge that the results of the elections will impact our nations and our lives for the next few years.

Because we're not God, we cannot see the future. And when our eyes are fixed on earthly things, the ‘unknown’ can so easily overwhelm us. But God calls us to fix our eyes on JESUS - the Lord who is on His throne, whose enemies will be made His foot stool (our sermon this morning was from Heb. 1:4-14, about that very thing).

This morning in church, talking about the upcoming elections, one of our Ugandan elders took us to Isaiah 33:22. It reads, "For the Lord is our Judge, The Lord is our Lawgiver, The Lord is our King; He will save us." This covers all the areas of government - the courts, the legislative, and the executive. In all these areas, God is the Ultimate. And He is the one who saves us, not any political leaders. There is no part of anything that is outside of God's hands.

And yes, God calls us to pray for our leaders, that they will be godly. Yes, I believe we should practice the privilege and right we have to vote (I just sent my mail-in ballot for the Texas primary elections back with a team!). But all of that should flow out of a heart that is at peace, knowing that God is in control; not out of a heart of fear.

And even if Uganda were to explode into riots following the results of Thursday's election; even if the ‘worst candidate’ were to be elected president of the United States – that's part of God's plan. He allowed it. And He will use it for His glory and purposes, which include our good. That's what He promises. We do not need to fear.

Fear has been on my mind a lot, especially the last couple months. Below is part of my most recent email newsletter to my prayer supporters, which discussed the same topic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t know about you, but it is SO very easy for me to fall into the many traps of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of disapproval. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of the stranger (a man) who met me in the nearby village and then came to New Hope looking for me; who got my number somehow and called me, wanting to meet up.

Over the past two years, I have also witnessed what a snare fear can be to my Ugandan brothers and sisters. Sometimes, it seems as though fear is their primary motivator. Fear of the ‘big man.’ Fearing to leave a knife outside, because an attacker may come and use it to hurt you. Fear of snakes, insects, lizards, owls.

In the past few weeks, we here at Kasana have had an object lesson in fear. A health alert came through, after a couple of our kids and staff tested positive for a disease. Based on initial information, some leaders announced that extreme caution was needed (no shaking hands or hugging) and that every person on site needed to be screened and vaccinated against this disease.

As a result, people were naturally apprehensive and worried. One of the people who had tested positive did not feel physically ill at all, but was “heartsick” because of fearing the disease.

On a personal level, I fell victim too: I was fearful and worried. On one hand, my vaccination was possibly no longer effective (too old). On the other hand, when I had gone in for a physical while in Dallas the doctor had been concerned about the results of one of the routine blood tests. She had called me back in, mentioning that she was going to also test for the same disease that was now apparently circulating our campus. I had given the resample the day before I flew out, and not received the results yet.

But most of us had over-reacted. As more experts’ opinions were sought, the situation no longer appeared so dire. The ways of contacting the disease were much fewer than we had first been led to believe. Another communication to staff was made, scaling back the level of concern and encouraging people to live their lives normally.

The fear had already taken root, however. Especially for those who had tested positive, now bearing that weight of concern even though they felt fine.

Why is it that we so easily open up our hearts and minds to the seeds of fear? Why is it that we so quickly forget or disregard the faithfulness and trust-worthiness of our God? Why do we fear?

As I mentioned at the beginning of this section – it’s not just about things like a disease. There are so very many other areas of our lives in which we often allow fear to shape and control our thoughts and actions.

We – no, I waste so much of my time and energy worrying about things that are held squarely in the hands of our GOOD Father God. Even if I were horribly sick with this disease – that wouldn’t change His goodness one bit. It also wouldn’t change the fact that He is in control and allows all things for His purposes!!!

This month has reminded me over and over, once again, that I need to be consciously submitting my whole life to God – trusting HIM and His plan. It has also shown me again how much I must be on guard against the fear that so easily ensnares me. I pray that it does the same for my brothers and sisters!

Oh, and I tested negative when I was screened here. The repeated blood work in Dallas also came back perfectly normal. So in this case, there was no reason for me to be so afraid.

Remember, Esther, that “perfect love casts out fear…” (1 John 4:18-19). Remember Who holds all things. Trust Him!

Joining Him on the Way

“Let’s get started – when the others come they will find us on the way.”

I don’t know how many times I have heard this at informal Kasana gatherings/meetings over the past year. Probably at least half a dozen.

It’s a common sentiment, stemming from “African time” – the tendency of Ugandans and others to not be on time. If you’re at a place within 15 minutes of the assigned beginning time, usually you are early. ;) At functions out in the village, if the stated start time is 10 a.m., that may be when you leave your garden to go home and bathe before walking to the meeting – you may get there at 11 and still be one of the first.

On Tuesday night I attended Vespers, an occasional evening service that gives JBU students time to quietly reflect on passages of Scripture which they read aloud together. It was the students who slipped in a minute or two late to join the other students which made me think of my Ugandan friends.

Somehow then, my mind made a jump to spiritual matters. The thought flashed through my mind that this is what every one of us has done. God started history thousands of years ago. Every one of us living now have found Him on the way. He has been working His plan and accomplishing His goals for centuries and millennia before our parents (or great great great great grandparents) ever thought of our existence. We all find Him on the way.

I couldn’t help but think a bit about what that means.

To go back to the illustration that started this train of thought: Imagine that the meeting is one discussing an elaborate plan for how to celebrate someone’s birthday. Then imagine that the person arriving over an hour after the official start of the meeting suddenly jumps in and starts expressing her ideas about what ought to be done and how to do it. If the meeting has been productive (also a Western concept – the first phase of a less formal meeting in Uganda can often be visiting and catching up on one another’s lives), then plans have quite possibly already been made – it’s just the details remaining.

I think it is easy for us humans to do something similar on the grander spiritual scale. As we grow up, we start to have our own ideas about things. By the time we are adults, we can have grand plans and Opinions about the way things ought to be.

We feel like we are responsible for coming up with what we do and what happens around us.

We forget that we joined Someone else on the way.

That He has His plans & will carry them out!

That HE is the one writing the story.

That it’s HIS story anyway.

Zachariah, Elizabeth, Mary, Joseph, Simeon, Anna: Each one of them didn’t just find God on the way – they were caught up into a plan grander than anything they could have imagined. Some had to be made to shut up so that they would listen to the plan. Others accepted it with open arms, though I’m sure they were blown away by the enormity of what they were hearing. Each one didn’t set out to make something amazing of their lives; or maybe they did, but it paled in comparison to what actually happened. Instead, they were invited to join what God was already at work doing. They didn’t just find Him on the way, He met them on the way and changed the course of their lives, and human history, FOREVER.

Obviously, I don’t believe there will ever be something exactly like that again. Never again will the eternal, omnipresent Son of God choose to fully become a helpless baby. But I think we can still learn something from this.

On a much more personal note, being here in Siloam has made me think about the “me” that first moved here more than six years ago. An Esther that thought she was going to be a political journalist. NEVER did that Esther expect that six years later she would be looking at Uganda, a distant country in Eastern Africa, as HOME for the foreseeable future. I had no idea what God was going to do. But He invited me to join Him on the way; He worked so many different things together in my life to grow me and stretch me and envision me for something that I in myself would never have seen.

He has a plan that He put into motion thousands and thousands of years ago. Each one of us finds Him on the way. But not because we were looking for Him – He finds us and calls us to join Him on THE WAY. Because it’s definitely not a journey we walk alone. We have the Godhead, each person of the Trinity, willing and eager to walk with us and guide us each step of the way. For Jesus said that He IS the way, the truth, and the life.

Come, let’s join Him on the way.

{God’s} Character and {Man’s} Responsibility

{In Institute[1] the past couple weeks, each of us had the assignment of preparing a Bible story to present to part of the class, as though we were teaching it as a Sunday school lesson to children. We could pick the story and what age range we were targeting. I wrote this with 9-12 year olds in mind. As a challenge, our presentation could only be 10 minutes.}

Today we are going to look at a story that is an example of God’s faithfulness to His people, and how important it is to trust God.

Who were God’s special people during the time of the Old Testament, before Jesus came? That’s right! The Israelites.

Now, our story for today comes from the book of Judges in the Old Testament. Does anyone know what the book of Judges is about?

God had brought Israel, His special people, into their own land – performing many miracles to do so. But the people rebelled against God—they wanted to go their own way rather than obeying God.

Do you ever do things your own way rather than how your parents tell you to do them? That is exactly what the people of Israel were doing toward God. So as a consequence, God grounded them: He turned them over to be oppressed by their enemies.

And that is where today’s story comes in. While I tell the story, I want you to listen for how God showed His faithfulness and how His people needed to trust Him, okay?

                Israel had been oppressed by a king named Jabin for 20 years. Can you imagine that? That is twice as long as some of you have been alive! Now, Jabin had a general name Sisera, and he is the bad guy you’re going to want to remember for this story.

The people of Israel were suffering, and in their suffering they cried out to God for deliverance! Because even though they had gone their own way rather than obeying God, they remembered what He had done for their grandparents and great grandparents. And you know what? God heard their prayers, because He is faithful!

                During this time, there was a special woman of God named Deborah. She was a prophetess, which means God would speak to her and reveal what He had planned for the future! Deborah was also one of the judges of Israel that this book is named after.

One day, she called for a man named Barak, and she told him: “God has commanded you to go defeat Sisera!” Now remember, Sisera was the general of the evil king oppressing Israel. But Sisera had 900 chariots in his army, along with all his soldiers!

At that time, time, having chariots was kind of like having tanks today. Do you know what tanks are like? {Our teacher’s oldest son, age 7, informed us that tanks were vehicles with missiles on them.} Israel didn’t have any chariots, they just had men to fight, maybe with swords and spears. That would be like marching to fight against tanks while only having ordinary guns! But Deborah told Barak, “God is going to deliver Sisera’s army into your hand.” How do you think Barak felt??

                I think he was kind of afraid, because Scripture says he told Deborah, “I’ll go fight, but only if you’ll come with me!” Deborah said ok, but she also told him a woman would get the honor from the battle instead of him.

Barak gathered 10,000 Israelites to go against Sisera’s army, which included those 900 chariots. The Israelites were up on a mountain, and Sisera’s army was in the valley at a river. You know what? I think Barak was still afraid and not trusting God’s promise, because Deborah had to remind him to lead his men into battle. She told him, “Has not the LORD gone out before you?”

So then Barak and his 10,000 men charged towards Sisera and his army with their 900 chariots. And God was faithful to His promise! He totally routed Sisera’s army! That means they became confused and disorganized, to that Barak and his men were able to totally defeat them. The Bible says Barak and his men killed every soldier in Sisera’s army. It was an amazing victory!

                Now, Sisera had run away from the battle because he saw things weren’t going well. He came to the tent of a man named Heber, who was an ally of Sisera’s king—so Sisera thought it would be safe to hide there!

Heber’s wife was named Jael. Jael welcomed Sisera into her tent, her home. She brought Sisera some milk to drink, and then he lay down on the ground because he was so tired from running! Jael covered him with a blanket.

Sisera thought he was safe there, so he fell asleep. But Jael had other plans. She got a tent peg, and used a hammer to drive it straight through Sisera’s head and into the ground; killing him in his sleep.

                When Barak came searching for Sisera, Jael called Barak into the tent and showed him the enemy general, dead.

Even though Jael’s husband was an ally of Sisera’s king, Jael had decided she would trust God’s deliverance of Israel and kill Sisera.

Then Deborah and Barak sang a song of victory, praising God for how He had used them and the Israelite soldiers and Jael to deliver God’s special people from the wicked king and Sisera, his general!

                So that is the story of Deborah and Barak and Jael, which you can read in Judges 4-5. Did you see God’s faithfulness to His people Israel in that story? And who displayed trust in God’s promises by their actions?

Barak was hesitant at first, but he did obey. Deborah and Jael obeyed God too! And God proved His faithfulness by delivering His people when they repented and obeyed Him!

                So how does this impact your life? Have you ever chosen to go your own way rather than following God? We all do that often times, and that is called sin. Bug God loves the people He created, and so did He prove His faithfulness to us? YES!

He sent a deliverer for us, just like He did for the people of Israel! What is our deliverer’s name? Jesus! When Jesus came from heaven to earth, died on the cross, and rose from the dead, He won total victory for us over our enemies of sin and death, forever!

Just like God promised Barak victory over Sisera, God promises us victory through the death and resurrection of His Son Jesus! And like we saw in our story today, God is faithful to keep His promises, isn’t He?

                But just like Barak had to trust God’s promises and go out to battle, so we each have to trust God’s promise that Jesus’ victory over sin and death applies to my life and to your life!

A lot of times, I find myself like Barak: afraid to go and fight the enemy of sin in my life because I am not sure whether I will win or not. But would I really be fighting alone? No!

Remember what Deborah told Barak right before the battle? I’m going to read it from the Bible, from Judges 4:14:

“Then Deborah said to Barak, ‘Up! For this is the day in which the LORD has delivered Sisera into your hand. Has not the LORD gone out before you?’”

We all need to ask God to help us have faith, and to remember that Jesus has promised us victory and goes to fight with us. Because He has already won the war for us!

And God is faithful to His promises to us, just like He was to Barak and Deborah and Jael, which means that we can trust His word to be true.

---

[1] “Institute” refers to the New Hope Institute of Childcare and Family, which is basically New Hope Uganda’s ministry foundations and philosophy taught in 20 weeks.

An {Uninspired} Psalm

{Uncle George, one of our Institute teachers, encouraged us yesterday to think about/write a psalm praising the Lord to share with class this morning. So here is a small offering of worship to my King, Savior, & Advocate. A few of my lines are direct quotes or "Esther paraphrases" of Scripture verses, as I'm sure you will notice.}

O God, You are my God.

                You are the faithful One,
                Regardless my wandering heart.

You are the all-seeing One,

Even when I try to hide myself.

                Eternally Existent

                        Self-Sufficient
                                Magnificent Creator
                                        Holy in Righteousness
                                                This is our God.

Yet Christ came, for the glory of His Father:
        Born of a woman, born under the law,
        Bound into the confines of an earthly body;
        Subject to the temptations of humanity,
        In all things as we were, yet without sin;
        You laid down Your life to redeem sinners,
        To show us the Father and bring us into adoption;
        Creator God, Come as a humble Servant
                And crucified;
        Oh my Savior, such a mystery I cannot comprehend.

And when You ascended in glory,
You did not leave us alone.
        You gave us Your Holy Spirit:
                Paraclete, our Advocate and Helper.
He lives within our hearts.

O Triune God, I pray:
        Give me eyes to see;
        ears to hear;
        and a heart which seeks after You;
That my mouth may declare Your glory alone.

One Person's Take

“It was Christians protecting Christians from Christians.”

So ran one line of a short article about Portland believers who blocked Westboro Baptist protestors from sight at a conference for the Christian Gay Network.

I heard about the conference and the protest yesterday from a friend of mine who is attending the conference. Seeing a retweeted picture of one of the conference goers posing with two protestors on either side of her was like a punch in my gut, especially because of her comment that she told them that she loved them all.

“Who is the better Christian here???” I asked myself. Not that I ought to judge “how Christian” someone is…..perhaps the better question is, “Who displayed a more Christ-like attitude here?” Was it the church protestors with their signs of hate and hell condemnation? Or was it the conference attendee who told those spewing such words that she loved them?

Wrestling with this issue embedded itself so much in my mind that I dreamed about it in some sort of fashion last night as I slept. I don’t even quite remember the details of it, I just know that was involved in it somehow.

Then I woke up this morning and went to church, where the sermon was on Romans 14:13-19, which says in part “Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit….Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and things by which one may edify another” (vs. 16-17, 19). The sermon came in the context of this new year’s theme at the organization where I work: “Your kingdom come” from the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6, and as I listened to the preaching I couldn’t help but think of the situation in Portland.

Because, of course, the issue is much much deeper than what happened recently at one conference. I am from a country where an immense political/legal battle is being waged about states legalizing gay marriage. I currently live in a country where they have passed laws instituting strict penalties for carrying out homosexual acts. This issue is one of the major debates of our current generation, all over the world.

And it’s not an issue that I will even attempt to scratch the surface of here.

I am very sure I would never have gone as far as the Westboro protestors go. But my conservative background means that I grew up with definite opinions about the issue that were closer to them than to the Portland counter-protestors. It used to be easy to give pat answers to this question…but it is not anymore.

The brief reason for that is having friends whose sexuality does not fit into the easy, simple categories. I have three, that I know of, who have struggled with questions about their sexuality and gender. And as I have heard their stories and the stories of others like them, I have lost my ability to quickly judge people and dump them in a particular spiritual box based on this issue alone. All three of these friends attended the same Christian college that I did – and I know that at least one of them desires very much to know and love God just like I do.

The fact that we definitely do not see eye to eye regarding all topics—particularly this one—does not one bit change the fact that I care about each of them as individuals bearing the image of God, individuals for whom Christ died. I love them, and I pray for them just as I do many of my other friends.

In all honesty, I don’t always know what to say or how to respond. I don’t know how to reconcile the beliefs I was raised with to the questions—and sometimes hurt and pain—that I have seen my friends deal with. Sometimes a small part of me wishes I could ignore their stories and go back to my easy answers.

But life isn’t about easy answers. And life definitely does not rely on me for the final decisions—Thank God for that!

In the end, I am thankful for these three friends of mine. I am so thankful for them, for their courage and their willingness to share about themselves and their struggles. And the real fact is that I wouldn’t change my knowledge of their stories even if I could. Because hearing their realities has peeled another layer of judgmental scales off my eyes.

We are all broken people. We—each and every one of us—face personal challenges that we must wrestle with. And often the decision is at least partly up to us: Are we going to allow our trials and struggles to pull us away from God? Will we try to do life on our own strength? Or will we see those challenges and trials for what they are: a reminder of our daily need to run towards God and to rely on Him for EVERYTHING, to trust in His wisdom and His plan of redeeming ALL THINGS.

Because in the end, it is to Him that I turn when my earthly mind can’t rectify my friends’ stories with my original beliefs. When I don’t know the answers, it’s a reminder to trust the One who does. And so, I do not end this post with a pat theory that will solve all the problems. But I do end it with a call: A call to righteousness and peace and joy in our Paraclete, a call to love and work together to build one another up, not to judge and condemn.